Lolo's Girl

I woke up today missing my LOLO so much. I haven't tell about him here, right?! I recently dreamt about him but I almost forgot the story. He died six long years ago due to a heart attack. It still hurts me like hell everytime I remember it. Let me tell it straight, I'm a Lolo's girl ever since. And now that I'm eaten up by homesickness once again, how I wish he's with me.

Let me introduce him, my super duper loved Lolo. He's not the typical strict-you-must-behave kind of grandfather. He's cool in a way he will support you on the things that makes you happy. He likes to tease people, call them names that makes you laugh. He woke up early in the morning around 4am everyday, make a coffee, clean his garden and do some catching up with his neighbors later on. He treat his Tatlong Maria ( me and my 2 siblings) to Jollibee whenever he received his monthly pension. It's his hobby to watch news in the morning and before he sleep, basketball or boxing. He's a retired elementary teacher. He loves to talk about his work and his granchildrens. 

I was in third year college that time when I received the bad news. I was in school when I received a text message that he was found dead in our restroom by my Uncle . I remember my denial as I read it. Oh no, not now, not him. I immediately go for a ride, I just want to see him, I want to make sure. I remember me crying in the bus, feeling so helpless. When I reach the house, he's there lying on his own bed, unconscious. I remember hugging him and crying out loud. Hoping he'll hug me back, punch me in the arms as he always do but I can already feel his coldness. His hands and chest are already becoming bluish. I remember asking the people around us what had happened to my Lolo but everybody was just watching me. Everyone was shocked and sad and crying. I remember sitting on his side, rubbing his arms and hands all night because the people who'll take good care of him will come the following day. I was talking to him in silent about why he suddenly left us all alone. If he's okay, if he's in severe pain, if how long he stayed in the restroom alone, if where is he at that very moment. I had a lot of questions to him but I was left unanswered. That was the worst moment of my life. Seeing the one I love the most gone with just a blink of an eye. After nine days, being the eldest grandchild,  they asked me to have a talk during his funeral. I readily refused. Not because I don't want to but because I know I will just end up crying instead of  telling how much I love my him . They insisted so I gave in. My speech was very short because as expected I just cried. I said it hurts me a lot that you just said goodbye like that. I hurts me that I'm a nurse but I wasn't there when you needed me the most. It hurts that I take the vital signs of other people but I didn't have the chance to just take yours. It hurts that you were alone those times. Then tears. Screams. Tears.

And today, I just want to tell him a lot of things. I know he's up there listening or reading this. This is for you.

" Lo, you know how much I missed you. I tell you every night before I go to sleep. I missed everything. I miss your visits in the our house bringing a lots of Mangga. I miss making you coffee. I miss doing your pedicure, putting nail polish and you don't care because your we insited. I miss your treat to Jollibee or restaurant though you just have enough money. I miss staying in your house during weekends. You always tell us that we always ransack your food stocks but I can see in your eyes that you're happy whenever we're there. I can see your smile whenever you hear our loud laughters. You'll buy softdrinks or Halo-Halo because that's our favorite. You'll asked us to clean the floor using your improvised floorwax made of candles and gave us Milo to eat afterwards. I miss leaning on your shoulders on your terrace. Though people outside where staring, we both don't care. I remember when you were fighting with your childrens ( including my Nanay ) because of some family problems and I know that if I have to choose I will still be on your side. I remember watching basketball and boxing with you. I miss you calling me " Bariles" because I eat a lot. You always tells me I'm getting fat but you always buy the food I love. You'll always cook breakfast though we always end up waking up almost lunchtime. I miss combing your white hair, punching your big stomach and playing with your fatty arms. You'll fight back just to play with us. All those memories are in here, part of what I have become, you have a big space in my heart..forever.

Thank you for giving my Nanay. For loving me and my siblings the most. For all those proud talks about us. For being there on our graduations, recognitions and almost all specials occasions. You we're my strength at those times. You thought me to be good and jolly and friendly. 

I'm sorry if I wasn't there during your lonely nights alone. For not being there when you undergo cataract extraction. For not being there on your meals alone. For not being there, at that very moment when it hurts a lot. You don't know how much it kills me right now. If only I can turn back the time. I'll be there for you. no matter what it takes.

I know you'll get angry if I'll be sad all over again.You're completely happy there with Him, free from any pain and sadness.  And I'm utterly fine with it. You'll be our guardian angel. I know you're always looking after us. And though you left us physically, your love and memories will forever remain. We love you so much Lolo. We miss you a lot. "

--From your favorite Apo--

Sorry I don't have any photos of us right now. Here's the only one I've got.

My Lolo and Lola during their wedding.

That's all guys. I miss writing, it's been ages. Thank you for reading. Send my regards to all your Lolo's and Lola's out there. You're very lucky they're still with you. Tell them how much you love them.

God Bless Everyone. (^_^)